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Animated Atrocities 100/Transcript
Disclaimer: Almost all viewers will find this movie disturbing.Viewer discretion is mandatory. It's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mr. Enter: 'I think at some point, I've made a mistake. I'm not entirely sure what I did, but it had to be a really shitty move, for this movie to be on my plate. The ''Drawn Together Movie ''is, flat-out, the worst thing that I have ever reviewed, and I'm finally sure, once again, that it is the worst thing that I ever ''will review. Oh, I know there's worse stuff out there, I'm just not gonna review it. Like all people, I have my limits, and this movie crossed all of them two miles ago. The first thing I have to say is that this is the first video that I've had to censor at certain parts. Yeah, the movie's that bad. Let me put it this way: the back of the box advertised animated sex scenes! Why you'd want to watch it in low grade flash animation, I have no idea. Second thing, I don't like the Drawn Together television show, but you will ''NOT'' hold this movie against that show. As far as I'm concerned, they are two separate entities, and almost everything I say about this movie does not apply to Drawn Together the show itself; not even the lackluster third season. Judge the show on its own merits -- not the merits of a ''shitty fucking'' movie that even the fans hate. I may or may not get to the actual show, but we gotta focus on this today. Ladies and gentleman it's going to be a big one -- the big 100. Still yourself, this is gonna hurt! The movie starts in Bedrock, present day Bedrock. In the bar we see Toots, badly animated, getting drunk and smoking. The only reason that she's getting drunk and smoking is because she's pregnant. Like, if she was not pregnant in the story she would not be smoking and drinking. That is like, most of the jokes in the movie: "Ha Ha! Isn't that awful? Aren't those people doing awful things?" The more astute of you may have noticed that this is not a joke. Just because you play a laugh track over something like a terrorist bombing does not make it funny. Foxxy, another Drawn Together cast member, is here. 'Toots: '''We can't be seen together. You'll get us killed! Peter Griffin telling this to Quagmire. You'd think that it was a joke. With a comedic format, you need to build up to something dramatic like this. Drawn Together wasn't exactly a show about the characters being in any real danger, so this is probably going to be just as confusing to fans of the show as it is to new viewers. Luckily, for me, one of this movie's flaws is that it doesn't really reference the show all that much. I think there are references here or there, but not too much. And this is definitely a problem for a movie based on a television show. the Simpsons Movie, Bender's Big Score, the Spongebob Movie, or even "Something, Something, Something Darkside" if they didn't make references to the show. Especially the one that's not an origin story, but, on the bright side, it does make it a lot easier to review. I don't need to... refresh the show so much. x .05 = So, what is infinity minus, like, five percent? Infinity? Also, five percent of infinity is infinity. Okay, this movie is still infinity times hard to review, though! God damn infinity is such a confusing concept... pointless titilation. They start kissing, because... '''Foxxy: '''Toots, I can't change the past, but I can change the future. Can you please stop existing? Like, right now? That would make the future happy! '''Toots: '''Well, I met someone too. I've met a man who loves me for me. A man who's willing to cheat on his wife, because he's a closeted homosexual who thinks I'm a man! A man who refers to my vagina as a manhole! She is talking about Barney Rubble and I'd like to give this movie a solemn '''FUCK YOU '''right out of the gate! You know, the whole thing about the Flintstones being the first prime time animated show on television and without it the Simpsons wouldn't exist, Family Guy would not exist and South Park wouldn't exist, without ANY of those, Drawn Together wouldn't exist? But if you want to call your grandfather gay, go right ahead! normally say this as a joke, but... dude... spoilers. There's a spoiler IN the movie. I... don't comprehend the purpose of doing that. '''Foxxy: '''Clara's dead! '''Toots: '''C-C-Clara!? S-She's... '''Foxxy: '''Dead... This scene is totally USELESS if you watch the whole movie! by "useless" I mean they replay the same scene later on in the movie. In fact, because this scene is here, it gets rid of almost ALL of the suspense within the movie! Because of this scene, we know who is going to live and who is going to die for the most parts. And, in a story where the characters are actually in danger, that is the LAST THING YOU WANT! To upcoming writers: prologues are useless. Almost 100 percent of the time, any kind of prologue is pointless. In fact, you are more likely to get a book published, if you do not include a prologue. '''Foxxy: '''The same way we all gon' die... I.S.R.A.E.L! of Princess Clara getting killed not I.S.R.A.E.L. put a spoiler of who is going to die in their movie. And they get the spoiler wrong. This isn't clever misdirection, this is flat out stupid and lying to your audience. "Oh yeah, the guy who murdered everyone... he was the guy we didn't tell you about." '''Wooldoor: '(on the phone) Your location's been compromised! Get outta there now! Oh my God not Wooldoor!! Please, I don't wanna see that FUCKING yellow devil as long as I live! A death by a FIRING SQUAD went on unleash this year's schadenfreude that this damn BASTARD DESERVES! makes me very uncomfortable many times throughout this movie. Not bad for a SpongeBob expy I do say. Wooldoor tells them to jump off the roof to escape from a rocket. '''Foxxy: '''He's got to be here somewhere. Get it? Because the car runs on foot power. So, the rocket blows up a dinosaur's ass. And no, I-I'm not censoring everything. Just the nudity stuff that could get this video pulled from YouTube. from Ren Seeks Help And yes, in America, we have a very weird attitude towards censorship. Something as natural as the human body needs to be censored, but even the most abhorrent violence is allowed to be free and criticised. And even the sexual innuendo that gets censored can sometimes be... hypocritical. from Rick and Morty '''Rick: '''And I love sucking big, sweaty censored and licking... disgusting furry testicle sacks. You know, it would be really interesting for an adult cartoon that doesn't give a crap about censorship to highlight this cognitive dissonance and make fun of how stupid it is. Is South Park on? Dammit, I'm procrastinating again... I-I just really don't want to see the violence OR the nudity in this movie. The main characters have run over Barney Rubble in the car. Now, let's get a counter for how many times they run over a beloved cartoon character, because they think that vehicular manslaughter is funny enough to be a running gag. We get the title sequence and we see where they wasted all of the animation budget. Now, if you don't know, each of the characters of Drawn Together are a parody of various genres of cartoons, which is not a bad concept. Drawn Together does not have a bad concept at all, and I can see the appeal of applying an adult edge to classic cartoon tropes of Ren Seeks Help when it's done WELL and not just for the sake of it! Believe it or not, it takes a lot of talent to properly deconstruct the innocence of childhood icons. if this was done well, it would only be telling me "Ren is a fucked up chihuahua. This is not novel news to anyone." You could just turn Willy Wonka into an obvious sociopath and it might say something about the original, but any Joe Schmo can do that. It doesn't make it funny. The actual show of Drawn Together? Nevermind about the actual show. Right now, we need to talk about this CHEAP '''TAWDRY '''imitation that BARELY EVEN TRIES!! We cut to six months earlier --you know, before Clara is going to die-- and immediately we see how cheap the Flash animation is. It's more apparent in other scenes like the one where they're trying to parody Disney, but all throughout the movie EVERYTHING looks very stilted. Especially involving most of the animals. We cut to the Drawn Together house. ha morning wood is so funny.... even if it's anatomically impossible [for some of these people.] '''Clara: '''Good morning people and Foxxy. Get it? Because she's a Disney princess; she's racist. Either that's exactly what you'd expect or that's never what you'd expect. Either way, they beat into the ground over the series. Everyone gets their own little intro before they hear the next competition. Wooldoor changes into a bunch of things, because we can't go five minutes without a dick joke! And Wooldoor is probably the biggest example of, at least, this movie's laziness. of the modern SpongeBob episodes The job was simple: take a SpongeBob character and make him more adult; perverted a bit. You know, the character who frequently and nocuously abuses and destroys people and property; seems to have a creepy crush on Squidward; is guilty of kidnapping and home invasion; doesn't give a shit about the law and he's done many other creepy things. It should not be rocket science to make him an adult character without relying on apologize for the anger here, but it gets more warranted... very, very soon. '''FUCKING DICK JOKES!!! So, the Producer says that their competition is to put on heels and many are copied, rotated, and just given a different palette. See if you can find them all! stomp on puppies and kitties. We're six minutes in out of, like, eighty. Also, the Producer ends up masturbating to this. So, let's talk about shock humor, shall we? Because this movie is almost entirely shock humor. Shock humor is the comedy equivalent to jumpscares. They're both used for the same reason: to send people over the edge into an uncomfortable place, OR by hacks who have absolutely no idea what they're doing! An entire comedy with nothing but shock humor is not funny; the same way an entire horror movie with nothing but jumpscares is not scary. What do I feel about the shock humor itself though? I mean, I should probably of Ren Seeks Help Drawn Together you be so shocking. I've seen this before. I've seen this all before be completely losing my shit right now! They're abusing animals like it was happening in Ren Seeks Help. Well, first of all, this show that claims is going beyond all taste doesn't seem to have the balls to actually show the actual action of... squishing puppies and kitties. Remember, Ren Seeks Help went all the way and --give it this!-- it was animated fluidly. The animals in this movie are so BADLY animated, it looks like a cheap one-person webtoon. could animate these blood effects. See, they're unshaded so they look completely overlayed and fake. You don't get any effect whatsoever, and, like I said, on top of that, they never actually show the actual violence on screen. And you can't do shock humor halfway! It's like setting off an explosive halfway. The Producer tries leaving without even saying who won, and when he's called out, he just gives essentially lip service to Captain Hero winning. That phrase; lip service. It's giving me flashbacks later on in this movie... I'm telling you. This makes Foxxy a little bit confused. Foxxy: 'I can't be the only one who thinks these competitions is completely random and arbitrary! Isn't that the definition of a reality show? They break the fourth wall so many times arrow' points a Ling-Ling's laughing expression expression took like 30 seconds it's hard to know exactly how drawn and savvy any of these characters are. The others laugh at Foxxy, because she's terrible at solving mysteries. We learned this in a Scooby-Doo flashback where someone gets shot in the face with a shotgun. of these background characters aren't even looking a the action on-screen. How hard is it to move around dots? '''Old Woman: 'crying Don't give up on me! You hear!? Don't you give up on me! Survey says: Meh. '''Toots: '''Foxxy Love, you're the worst mystery solving musician that's ever lived!! of the intro from a Hanna Barbera 70s cartoon Is this one of those weird jokes where the show screws up obscure cartoon references, because facts are facts, people and the 70s disagrees with that statement. I mean, they can intentionally be wrong, but that's an odd joke, intentionally getting obscure humor wrong. '''Wooldoor: '''I got one! Foxxy, the only thing you're good at is giving head, and you manage to do the opposite! don't understand your innuendo anymore. I... Nevermind, it's not important. Let's just move on. Let's just move on to- oh God, the beginning of the plot... One of the worst scenes in the movie. Wooldoor tries to apologize to Foxxy, because I don't know it's his lesson of the week or something. He tries to apologize by... it wasn't funny when Spongebob did it either. screwing things up alot. Okay, great! You're halfway there in the element of satire. You brought up an observation or a flaw of the original work. Next thing to do is change it up a little bit and make fun of it! Because, if you don't, you're pretty much plagiarizing the flaws of the original work! '''Foxxy: '''What the hell is wrong with you, Wooddog!? '''Wooldoor: '''There is no good explanation for what I've done. Yeah, that's the closest that we get. Foxxy realizes that she can swear without being censored. Okay, let's talk about this little observation of hers. In the original show words like 'fuck' were definitely censored, and it's definitely an interesting idea for breaking the fourth wall. Unfortunately, the movie has a couple of problems with this. Number one, this movie was made YEARS after the show was off the air, and the only way to watch the series would be on DVD, and the DVDs of Drawn Together are not, nor have they ever been, censored! So, if you didn't happen to watch it in its original television airing this would make no sense! The other problem is the comedy revolving AROUND the censorship. After Foxxy's animation is in a painfully obvious cycle, she randomly goes about swearing, because she can. When we figure out that Wooldoor can't swear, they get the brilliiant idea to... show his penis! Okay, I am definitely censoring this, but you know how I complained a lot about Photoshop animation in Breadwinners and in Pickle and Peanut? Imagine that with a PENIS! A very big penis! I don't know WHOSE penis it is, and I-I'd rather not know, but they dragged the scene out and it really feels like this movie is trying to teabag me! And, do you want to know the really funny thing, like, the only plausible funny scenario of this scene? The scene would actually have a chance of being funny if I '''ACTUALLY CENSORED OUT HIS PENIS!!! '''Do you know why!? When it comes to humor like this, the reaction is always funnier than what's being reacted to, and the characters need to be more disgusted than the audience! These are BASIC TENANTS OF COMEDY! Let's just... move on, because this movie is going to try to repeatedly top my disgust in all kinds of BEAUTIFULLY creative ways! We cut to some of the guys wanting to play poker with Captain Hero. '''Xandir: '''Gay guy time is far more important to a hero than being with some cheap floozy who probably doesn't even secretly eat his toenail clipping, so at least a little part of a hero can always be inside him. is gay. I have just summed up every joke about him ever told. This is where we were five years ago, people He's gay and creepy! Get it? That's- that's EVERYTHING with him throughout the ENTIRE movie. In this movie, some of the characters get the shaft and either Xandir or Ling-Ling gets the worst. Clara has more to do than either of them and she DIES halfway through! Speaking of which, Captain Hero is dating a corpse! This is what he does for the ENTIRITY of the movie! It is ALL he does! As the corpse rot away. For an entire movie, you've reduced one of your main characters to a running gag. I get that he's the stupid hero type and this is probably in line with his character, but it's a FUCKING MOVIE!! You have to do more than relegate one of your '''MAIN '''characters into a running BACKGROUND JOKE! He essentially kidnaps the corpse from her mourning family. Beyond being a stupid, STUPID joke, two frame cycle of animation.... again. Guys, it's a LOT more noticeable than you think. it doesn't make any sense in any context! Like, this would only work if he confused a call for help, or there was actually someone in need. What I'm saying is that there's no setup to the joke! It's a basic tenant of comedy, another one that they FUCKED UP! I wish someone could have saved mommy" "I know sweetie, but no one can save her now" "Captain Hero is here to save the day! Oh, that has to happen, is one of Molly's family members to say ONE '''FUCKING LINE and this joke may have made sense! I don't know if it's just my sex repulsion, but this is putting me further into nausea. I don't know, any of you people in the audience is... doing anything for you? Please tell me that embalming fluid is this dude's kryptonite. So, if that scene being totally pointless, Foxxy goes and tries to figure out why they're being censored. Wow, she IS terrible at mysteries! I already gave you the answer: it's because adult DVDs dont CENSOR THEMSELVES!! And you haven't been on television in years! I've already said this before, but the animation is really painfully stilted and limited! Give them this though, I really feel like watching a Scooby-Doo ripoff with a pointless spin-off character from the 1970s. Foxxy finds the Drawn Together control room and realizes that everything is offline. She comes to the conclusion that their show has been cancelled. frame animation - look lazier than Over Two Rainbows today! 'Wooldoor: '''C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-Cancelled?! Alright, my suspension of disbelief is totally shattered. I cannot believe ANYTHING that's going on here. A SpongeBob character, that knows the meaning, of the word 'cancelled'! I'm really angry. I had to see this thing's fucking genitals. That would make anyone angry. In what universe!? IN. WHAT. FUCKING UNIVERSE!?!? So, Foxxy just begins swearing. OH, I get the satire they're trying to pull! The second we remove censorship rules, shows will immediately take advantage of those standards being removed and do '''NOTHING ELSE WITH THE MATERIAL!!! '''If we give shows the ability to swear, they would just sit around swearing, doing absolutely nothing else! Honestly, shock shows are probably their own worst enemy when it comes to censorship. scene right here is all of the evidence I will ever need to believe that all genitals should be censored for the rest of eternity. Thank you Drawn Together for your arguments on censorship. They claim to hate censorship while giving it the BEST arguments for censorship imaginable! And that's going to come back again and again with this movie specifically. Yes, you have the FUCKING ability to swear uncensored now! DO SOMETHING WITH IT!! Dramatically, swearing is used to emphasize a point and draw excessive tension to the speaker. Swears, when used properly, convey more meaning than let's say a lesser adjective or interjection. Shit has more meaning than 'ouch'! And then everyone starts fighting, randomly. I have no idea why. Meanwhile, Wooldoor decides to figure out if they're really canceled or not. We get a lot of extreme facial expressions as excuses for actual jokes. Wait a minute, I thought that Spanky Ham was the parody of Internet animation. And yes, he finds out that he's canceled. We cut to the Producer and his family. '''Producer: '''Gosh, I love you. I don't know what I'd do if anything would happen to you. Oh, I'm emotionally invested I am in you staying safe and remaining alive! Pointing out how obvious this kidnapping is doesn't make it any less obvious, any more funny or any less cliche. meant to say, his boss "calls" nit considering the nature of this movie, I'm sure he does THAT too. His boss comes, because they want to make it an extreme point that he's Jewish! He can't answer the phone today, because it's the Sabbath. Also, his neighborhood likes to mess with him on that aspect. Look, I've just about every joke about every religion there is. It's getting old! Anyway, the "boss" of Drawn Together wants all cast members erased. Okay, I'm pretty conflicted about this. On the positive side, it gives me some hope this will have a happy ending. On the other side, though, an evil money-grubbing CEO media CEO releasing any of their intellectual property for any reason? Once again, in what universe? would take each of the characters and have them in their own spin-off show. Even if they originally came from another show to begin with. To do the job properly, he decides to use...; '''CEO: '''Yes! The '''I'ntelligent 'S'mart 'R'obot 'A'nimation 'E'raser 'L'ady! And because you knew that he HAD to be involved in this somehow, the robot is voiced by Seth MacFarlane! I'd make a joke, but there's nothing I can do to make him funny. Now, you'll notice that the robot's name is I.S.R.A.E.L. EVERY. SINGLE. Line of dialogue about it is just a blanket statement meant directly ''to offend someone. '''Producer: '''The Intelligent Smart Robot Animation Eraser Lady! '''Foxxy: '''I.S.R.A.E.L.? Why the fuck is it on our land when we already live here? '''I.S.R.A.E.L.: '''I.S.R.A.E.L. must be agressive to survive! inflammatory things for the sake of it? Where have I heard that before. Oh... this movie has just become and internet troll. It's not funny, because no one in narrative means anything that's actually said. I doubt that even the CREATORS mean what they're saying! '''Wooldoor: '''NO! Without the distraction of the cameras, I'll have nothing to keep me from hearing the voices in my head! (in his mind) Cut their throats and drink children's blood, Wooldoor. Their youth will be your youth. That DEFINITELY sounds like SpongeBob, except not in ''anyway whatsoever, not even a satirical sense! from SpongeBob How HARD is it to pervert a character properly!? Yes, I know that I'm kind of picking on this movie for not really getting animation references and understand the characters that it's got expertise of. I mean, it's just a show where characters of all different animation genres come together off-camera, essentially, and reveal their true personalities. I'm being selfish to meaning that they get the references right! I mean, GOOD GOD, Betty Boop had a best friend called Bimbo! How hard could this be!? 'Captain Hero: '(crying) Cup the balls. '''Xandir: '''I'd cup. GET IT!? HE'S GAY!! The Drawn Together gang figures out that they were replaced by the uh... "Suck My Taint Show", which is a poor parody of South Park. This-this is going to be interesting! The Producer comes by and tries to rescue the gang from the robot's attack. '''Foxxy: '''Well, I ain't goin' nowhere until you tell us why in the hell we was canceled. '''Producer: '''Come on, guys. Have you ever even seen your show? It's filthy, it's racist and it has a shocking lack of Dave Chappelle. from South Park And was surpassed by other, better shocking racist shows that better knew what they were doing and could handle dark subject matter better, and you guys kind of dropped ''massively ''in quality in the third season, and- Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Transcripts Category:Season 4 Category:Stub